Dee: (The) Mama Blog

I had an emotional outburst.. and yelled at my boys. I know my boys don't like it when I yell... The boys were jumping and crashing into the chairs like wrestlers.. and I could foresee one of them hurting themselves.. and that is exactly what happened. I had said "stop" about 5 times... and boom Matthew bumps his head for the third time in the space of 3 days. I got angry and started to yell at them.. saying they don't listen and why is it that you always jump in the chairs when I say you don't do that.. Yeah. I blew. But what I noticed is that Jeremiah's reaction was different.. normally he would cry and say 'No mummy!"... but this time he just went 'Ok!" and made a face and went silent. I don't want to be the cause to why my kids suppress their emotions. I want them to always express themselves. It's healthy and it's the right thing to do.. I suppressed and I do not want that cycle to continue.

There have been numerous occasions where I reflect on when I had my boys.. and then I think about people who try and try to have kids.. or who literally plan when they're gonna have kids... ..and then there's me.. where kids were not on my radar.. it wasn't a primary focus of mine and boom I get 2 kids pretty much back to back! Not complaining.. and forever grateful; but wow kids really do change your lives forever. Now I have people calling me mum and mama.. I never would of imagined. I still have these moments with my kids being 5 and 3.. but I personally don't think I'd get over this! It's just crazy that you grow a whole person and then you have to be their guardian for the rest of their lives. What a blessing.

Now that Jeremiah is in mainstream school... he's getting homework, and things to practice at home so I've taken it upon myself to get extra aids to support his learning. Slowly but surely with repetition and patience he is getting there and doing really well. I had a parents evening for both of the boys  couple of weeks back.. and both of their teachers do not have any concerns about them. Doing practices with Matthew (he's in nursery), there are certain areas that he is stronger in than others. Speaking to his teacher, they are currently working on mark making with numbers/number recognition.  H's taking a little bit of time to recognize numbers (or so I thought). Jeremiah caught onto numbers so quickly-- it took minimal effort on my part.. but with Matthew I found myself getting frustrated and angry at him because he needs to 'get it'. So much so I found myself comparing him to his brother... forgetting he is a completely different child.. and the way he take

Do you ever get to a stage in your motherhood journey where you just feel like you're on autopilot? The routine is the same everyday... with barely any change.. so you find yourself doing everything as you normally do.. the same.. the same time... same things but only the days change... I feel like that at the moment. Before I entered the new week I just literally ran through the schedule line up for the week.. and it is the same.. cleaning.. laundry... organizing..  Not complaining, just expressing. Sometimes it can get repetitive as a parent because we're putting ourselves before our children; and that's ok! This is why it's even more important to take time out for ourselves. There are so many ups and downs when it comes to being a parent, but we have to keep going! Not only for us but for our kids!

Do you know anger is a good, healthy emotion? When I first had Jeremiah... his temper was through the roof.. once he reached an age where he could express it physically.. and man oh man was it interesting. He would throw things, bang his head, throw himself on the floor, break things.. scream, shout, spit, kick, bite... sometimes trash a whole room out of anger. But this was all due to the fact he wasn't talking-- and was not able to express himself verbally at all.  I didn't catch the connection between him trying to express himself and the behaviour that I thought was bad. I felt like the most crappiest mother of them all. How could I not even control my son's anger.. or even understand it? Once I caught the connection I started to deal with it slowly but surely. Then when his speech started to progress little by little.. I started noticing big changes in his behaviour and how he expressed himself when he would get frustrated or angry. There's still a way to go, but i

I have been away from the blog a little bit.. I just needed time to.. reflect. After the boys being unwell.. I went really deep into my thoughts and just started to reflect on myself as a mother and all that has happened in the past couple of months. Am I doing right by my boys? Am I doing enough? Do they feel that I love them?  Do they feel safe? protected? Are they happy? Are they confident? Just so many questions were flying around my head... I always beat myself up and I am so hard on myself when I start to feel like I'm not enough or I'm not doing enough... I start asking myself questions and giving myself the run around. It's not healthy.. I know... I am working on it. But you know what the funniest thing of it all is when I get in this downward spiral? Both of my boys will do something so significant I know it's God reassuring me that I am on the right track. One of them will either just randomly come and hug me.. or one will come and just say out of the blue