Dee: (The) Mama Blog

"Mummy, today we go park?" "Not today baby" "Why?" "It's raining today and you'll get really wet." "Why?" "Because everything on the playground will be wet and get your clothes wet." "Why?" "Because it's raining" "Why?" "I don't know.."

I recently joined clubhouse, (it's been about a week now), and I've been connecting with mother clubs, parenting groups and the like because I believe now this is my area, and part of my destiny-- encouraging mothers and parents. There are things we have been raised with; and we have been exposed to certain perspectives and such and because that is all we know, we are now bringing into this generation but what we aren't realizing is that it's not working.. it can't work. Things are changing; the children of this time are changing, outlooks and so many other things are changing.. so we need to also change. I was in a group where we are completely transparent with our experiences we have undergone in our lives; there was one particular thing we were discussing... did we ever have a chance to TALK to our parents.. to our family-- like sitting down all at one table, and speaking vulnerably, and transparent and boldly? Can you even do that? Me personally, I want to creat...

When I had my two boys; it didn't come into my mind that in the future they would be ridiculed because of the colour of their skin.. and stereotyped not because they are doing anything, but, again, because of their skin colour. I was having a chat with one of my friends, and we were just talking about having more children. I don't want any... of course, lol, but she wouldn't mind having another. I asked her if she wouldn't mind having a boy (she's got a girl already); but she made a very clear point in saying that the way society and the world is now, having a boy would be so worrying. You send your son to the shops and because he's black, he'll just randomly be stopped and searched. What kind of life is this? And the racism now is getting worse and becoming even more blatant. Not only being black.. but being a black BOY. It's a real problem. I'm not looking forward to conversations I need to have with my boys about how to comport themselves when the...

"Mummy look! Raining!" "Yeah and what else do you see?" "Dark!" "It is dark" "Mummy look!" "What was that!" "Light in the sky!" "It's Lightening.." "Yeah."

Do you find in particular when you are having the WORST day ever.. or the day is just not going the way you would like... ..and you just see a message, or see an Instagram post/facebook post that is completely in relation to how you are feeling in that very moment? It always happens to me and it is such a comforting and reassuring feeling. A lot of the time as a mother/parent, you feel like you're going through particular things alone.. or no one really understands what you are going through. But when I see posts that are so relatable to what I'm feeling, or what I'm currently going through, it's such a good feeling.. and so nice. This is why it's so important to have a good support system, or just have maybe one person you trust that you can run to and offload to. Honestly! That's why it's called a motherhood. It's a community. It's a safespace. It's a place where we can be vulnerable. We shouldn't think that we are on our own or suffering a...

Today is the day in the UK where officially indoor seating is finally back! We can actually sit INSIDE of a café or a restaurant and not worry about our menus and bits of food flying with the wind. FINALLY. But that's not what this is about. I just felt the need to acknowledge that. When life happens.. what do you do? Things start to become overwhelming.. Things start to pile up on each other... So now I'm preparing for my boys to start primary school and nursery in September.. and the anxiety is real. I'm anxious mainly because of Matthew... and his food allergies. I didn't want to be that parent with the kid with a bucket list of food allergies. I've worked in a school before and the minute you mention food allergies to the admin; you get an exhale and a sly eye roll, (well, I think it was where I was working.. I dunno) But it's a headache to the teachers and the kitchen staff.  But... my son's case is out of this world-- so it's looking like he's ...

"Ow, mummy you're hurting me" "Oh no, I'm sorry it was an accident" "Yeah, ack-ee-dense" "Are you ok?" "I'm fine" He reaches for her hand as they walk to the bus stop.

So... with Matthew turning 3, I've had to start implementing the phrase, "You're a big boy now", when it comes to certain things that are considered baby-ish; or to kind of enforce independence.. So a prime example is.. he is very used to sitting on my lap. I don't want to stop it, but when we are in particular places, like on the bus, or places where he can sit down; I'm trying to enforce that.  He's still small and cute so sometimes I even forget and just put him on my lap-- but then I later realize that he is getting heavy! lol I'm starting (well kind of), to encourage him to eat on his own. But he's already shown me inklings that he wants to. He will literally take the spoon from me and start feeding himself. So now I'll go 'You're a big boy now, you have to eat at the table." He was reluctant at first, but when he saw his brother eating, he was encouraged. lol. He has his moments when he wants me to feed him, but it's a gr...

I was saying to myself the other day that-- I've never really done anything for me.. as in, doing what I want to do.. doing what I like.. just doing stuff for ME. Does that make sense? I always put myself last, and always think of others; and as I have kids; it's like I've continued to push myself on the back burner. That needs to stop. "You can't pour from an empty cup", always comes to my mind when I think about this. How am I supposed to take care of my kids.. or help other people when I'm drained.. out of sync... overwhelmed.. everything under the sun? I can't be the greatest mum I can be when I'm burned out.. I can't be a good friend if I'm burned out.. I can't function if I'm burned out... Rest. Recharge. Repeat. It is not selfish!

"Mummy, go park and play?" "Not today" "Mummy!" "Yes?" "Go park?" "Not today, we'll go another day ok?" "No! Go PARK!" "No shouting. We can't go to the park today."

We shouldn't do it.. but we do it.. Why do we compare ourselves... our children to other people? Why do we have so much mum guilt.. why do we beat ourselves up about it? Why do we constantly think we are doing something wrong if our child isn't meeting milestones at the 'right' time? Why do we cause so much stress if our children aren't listening, throwing tantrums.. etc.  WE ARE DOING OUR BEST!  We just want to be perfect mothers/parents... but there is no such thing as a perfect parent. In the eyes of our children we are everything to them and that is the most important thing that we should always tell ourselves. We beat ourselves up if we discipline our kids, or we'll see someone with their kids and it looks like they've got it altogether, yet we don't know what goes on behind closed doors.. We just want to do what we can do to be the best parents to our kids, and that is ok.  Keep it up, you are doing a great job. Everyone will always have an opinion...

Over the weekend it was just... one of those days.. times a thousand. lol. I went to the shops with the boys.. and it's always just blah when it happens. No matter how many times I'll say 'Hold the buggy' or 'Hold my hand'... they will still find away to run around because the supermarket is a playground, right? lol. Onto the next shop.. Matthew thought it would be fun to rearrange the shelves.. moving items to other shelves and laughing. I had to come out of the shop swiftly. I decided to sit Matthew down in the buggy because he was doing the most... and as I wasn't looking.. he kicks his shoe off. Thankfully I saw and just put it under the buggy-- and then his brother decided to have a tantrum because there's no seats on the bus and he doesn't want to stand up... Lawd. So as we get off the bus.. here's one child with one shoe on.. and another with an 'I got told off' look. and... thank you for coming to my ted talk. Motherhood is not fo...