Dee: (The) Mama Blog

"Bike!" "Yes baby, that's a bike! What colour is it?" "Reed" "Red!" "Yay!"

I read a news story a little while back how a mother INTENTIONALLY allowed her son to die of dehydration.  Now. I never understand these stories-- you've had a child; remembering that you have endured the 9 months of pregnancy, the morning sickness/nausea, loss of appetite, heartburn, swollen feet/hands, restlessness--- for you to just end up killing your child? I'm not in this person's shoes, but did you not think that as much as a child is a blessing, a child is hard work?  Did she have an ideology to how she would be with her child, or how her child would be towards her? I really try to work these stories out because it's so outrageous.

My mind is a crazy place to be... Sometimes in my quiet time I think like.. what if I decided to do something about the pregnancies I had.. meaning if I had aborted them.. or I decided to not be with the father of my kids.. Then I wouldn't have my two beautiful boys now! Regardless of the situation you are in at the time you are pregnant with your children.. it's a gift and it is a blessing and God knows exactly why he has allowed it to happen that way. Because for me personally.. I had my kids pretty much back to back and I DO NOT know how it happened.. (Ok obviously.. I do know... lol) but it happened with the quickness and I was really not expecting it to happen like that.  But really I would not have had it any other way.. because I'm done with having kids! Well.. I would like two more but... We'll see what God says about that!

She looks at herself in the mirror. "Mummy" one of her children run in the room and pokes her belly. She smiles, but then it disappears. She feels her long pajama top being tugged from the back. "Oh hello! Are you ok" she says while picking him up. His little finger pokes her arm. She puts him down and he runs off. She continues to look at herself in the mirror.

I do. and it's not a great thing to do. I watch a lot of family vloggers on youtube.. and this particular vlog was where she was teaching her 4 year old how to read. I felt so happy like that was my own child.. and then it dawned on me that my child is going to be 4 soon and he has yet to speak in complete sentences... Immense mama guilt came upon me and as I kept watching the vlog.. I was beating myself up internally. But again... every child has a different level they reach. My child isn't at that child's level that I was watching and that's ok. He will get to that level! But.. I don't know if it's because I think I'm not doing enough that I compare? But I think my worst quality is that I never think I'm doing enough...  Parents out there... do you find yourself doing the same?

My youngest, Matthew has now taken an interest in jumping off of... everything. Chairs, stairs, tables, beds.. Lawd. But this one thing that he does I find it so interesting. Whenever he is making his way down the stairs and he sees that I've put out my arms (not to catch him, but to carry him down the rest of the stairs) he takes the initiative to leap in my arms, and I of course, catch him. And it just makes me think.. so this child isn't scared that I'm going to drop him? Or that I'm not going to catch him and he'll fall down?  The answer is nope. Because even when he makes the leap he's smiling away waiting for me to catch him. And it just continues to remind me that children are so pure and so innocent... and it's sad that we live in a world where that can easily be taken way because of how twisted and corrupt the world is becoming unfortunately. But.. in the meantime I'm going to enjoy the innocence and pray to God that he continues to guide me on ...

Sitting on the grey couch; she scrolls through her phone looking up more things to do with her children.  "Don't jump on the chair!" He giggles and plops himself in the chair. She continues to scroll on her phone. "Mummy are you ok?"

Matthew, my 2 year old-- recently had his 2-21/2 year review. Thank God I remembered-- this whole coronavirus has thrown everything off-- but imagine I had to do it over the phone! But I ended up going to the GP to get him weighed.. so I ended up doing it again at the GP anyway lol. He did really well-- just some minor things to work on in regards to his fine motor skills and his personal/social skills. Fine motor in regards to drawing in a straight line with a pen; and personal social in regards to like taking off his coat.. referring to himself as 'me'.. so very small things. The health visitor that conducted the review was really reassuring because some of the stuff Matthew was doing she was surprised But I felt a little guilty because I've been heavily focused on his eating, and him gaining weight due to his allergies that I feel I may have neglected small things that I should have been practicing with him. Because honestly it was a real struggle in the beginning.. but ...

With going through the entire lockdown/quarantine period; I've had to take up teaching my two boys at home-- which is hard because their smaller.. and get distracted a lot more easier. But what I do with them is I do activities at certain points of the day where I know they'll focus for at least 10 minutes. The morning is the best time... So I've downloaded an app that Jeremiah's nursery sent to me to learn English.. so new phrases, words, colours. etc We do this every morning-- it's about 5 minutes long. When Jeremiah is doing his lessons... and he gets a question wrong, I shout at him-- 'No! it's not that one, you know which one it is, stop picking wrong answers!" And he will continue to pick wrong answers.. But after he finished his lesson.. and the next day came, some of the things he learned the day before (every lesson has at least one of the lessons from the previous day just to see if they remembered) he got them right! So.. I had to shut myself...

"Mummy needs to do some work ok, so take your tablet." "Ok" he says with his head down He goes to sit down on the sofa and starts to tap away on the tablet. "Mummy" "Yes" "Eat?" "You want something to eat? Sandwich? She brings the sandwich on a red plate and puts it on the table. "Thank you" "Your welcome bubba" She goes back to her laptop and sits down "Mummy"

I was watching my kids play out in the Garden with their water and sand table (minus the sand) and they were so joyous-- splashing the water around; throwing it on each other, giggling. Innocence. And it just made me think... when we were children we had NOTHING to worry our heads of. We just play all day, eat and go to sleep. Who wouldn't ask for a better kind of life? No need to think of bills.. or the complications of friendships, work relationships.. jobs-- nope none of that! The innocence of a child is so refreshing. Just sitting there watching them play made me smile. It's like.. I want them to stay like this forever.. I don't want them to have to grow and now start the complicated life of making decisions about their life, and choices about jobs, career, friendships.. I don't want them to experience any of that.. why can't they just stay how they are.. and just be happy? But what kind of parent would that make me? They must progress.. they must grow....

Motherhood comes with its fair share of teachable moments.. Even though I have toddlers and not teenagers-- almost every day I learn about myself and more about my kids. The main thing I keep learning is that kids really do push their buttons with you.. but that's because they are also learning. They are learning boundaries. They're learning about emotions. They're learning.. everything! Tantrums are not something kids do because the wanna piss us off.. they do it because they have yet to express their emotions in words. It's all part of the development process. And not even just that they can't express.. maybe they can express but they still have to understand emotions and when to use them. Sometimes I really do reflect and wonder what does actually go on in the mind of a child? They're not completely developed so certain things they see or experience how are they able to comprehend what is happening? Do they get overwhelmed? Overloaded? Is that why the...

         "What's the matter? Hug?" "No!" Beads of tears stream down his chubby cheeks "What's wrong? What do you want?" He points up at the counter where there are books, pens, my phone and their tablets "Do you want the book?" "Book?" "Yes?" "No!" He continues to point "Do you want my phone?" "Mine?" "It's not yours, it's mummy's" He points again "Ohh.. do you want the tablet?" "Yeah" he says and nods