Dee: (The) Mama Blog

"You're not a bad mom, you're tired. Everything is harder when you haven't slept" I cannot resonate with this statement enough. I have experienced this so many times... when I've decided to take my 'mommy time' too far.. and forcing myself to sleep at 3am.. knowing good and well I need to wake up for 6am.. I'm really just doing myself aren't I? But what I realize is that.. I'm quicker to react to things.. negatively-- I'd either shout or yell, my tolerance level and my patience are short.. and I'm just generally irritable... leading to my own adult tantrums and I'm not even able to process if my child has one. Compared to when I do get a decent night's sleep; I'm patient.. I'm calm.. if my children lash out at me or have tantrums or meltdowns I can handle it, and my mind doesn't seem so groggy or clouded.  Personally I'm the mom that doesn't drink coffee.. or tea.. I don't even indulge in energy drink...

I've cultivated a strategy for resilience and not to give up so easy.  Both of my boys when they try something once... they get so frustrated and go 'Mummy I can't do it!" Whether this is letter/number formations, drawing, playing a game.. their first attempt if they don't do it right.. they give up. So this is what I tell them: "Let's try again" 3 simple words... and now when they are doing something they go "Ok, try again!" and they keep going and going and going until they do it... then they run to me and go 'Mummy I did it!" Parenting isn't as hard as I thought... lol (On this occasion)

So.. with Matthew having eczema as a baby... his paediatrician immediately told me that he would be prone to Asthma.. but would most probably 'grow out of it'. He's not been diagnosed with Asthma... but he has had breathing episodes when he gets ill where he finds it so hard to breathe.  But other than that... his breathing is absolutely fine. Strange, right? Well... he's been unwell for most of this week but his breathing has been ok.. I've been prescribed an inhaler because of his previous history. He does get wheezy.. but once I use the inhaler, he's absolutely fine. I do hope he does grow out of this phase.. I get so anxious when he gets a cold because of his history of breathing difficulty... otherwise he has no problems at all.

It's so vital and so important when speaking to your child.. acknowledging HOW you are speaking to them. My strategy has changed when I speak to the boys.. especially when they have had done something that wasn't really good. I have to calm myself down first.. but once I do that I sit them down and speak to them. And they listen. When you're not calm and you say things out of anger.. those things will stick in the mind of the child.. and that's what I consciously prevent doing.. because words have power. I've also learned that why my parents slapped/smacked/spanked me was due to impulse-- or just a reaction and not knowing what to actually do. But like what I was saying a couple of blogs back that the generation of children coming now are built different and we really need to learn what we have to do, and unlearn what we have been exposed to from our own childhoods. Motherhood keeps on changing and advancing and I'm so here for it.

I saw something on Instagram that really pricked something in me: "Long for your children to have right hearts. not just correct behaviour" It just made me go whew! I hope I'm doing that! This week Jeremiah's behaviour has been quite challenging and I really have no idea why. Any time I'm forming a boundary or withholding a rule.. he will completely flip out and say 'No'.. scream.. and cry and shout. Then when he sees I'm not changing what I'm saying... he will sit down.. sigh and go 'Alright mum' and proceed to doing what I have asked. In all of this I remained calm.. and monotonous. (So hard.) One of the days this week, we woke up and went to go brush our teeth. I brushed Jeremiah's first, and when I went to go and brush Matthew's teeth, Jeremiah started to shout 'Come here mum!" "No, no brush Matthew's teeth!" He wanted to go downstairs-- but he wanted me to come with him. Normally.. he will go downstairs o...

If you have one or two allergies... it can be managed and avoided pretty well.. but when you have 6.. 7.. 8.. allergies and all of them are quite major allergens it can be so difficult. Throughout Matthew's journey.. I have felt like it's such a burden to go out and eat for dinner.. or to go to someone's house and he can't eat their food because even the alternatives he can't eat. So a lot of the time I have to pack him everything.. or we have to go to the same restaurants where I know he won't encounter many allergens.  I don't have mum friends who's child have allergies like Matthew so there's no one to even speak to about it.. so I'm sort of doing it alone. This is not a post to complain, but just to create more awareness.. because I don't see children with allergies spoken about too much or experiences being shared.  I can't just walk into a chicken shop or a fast food place and just order food.. I have to ask a couple of questions be...

I've really been thinking about trauma... we experience it in our adult lives.. but what about what we may not have realized we experienced as children? As I've been stumbling on so many tik toks, youtube videos, and even Instagram reels on 'Childhood trauma' I really do wonder... what is classified as trauma? Being beaten? Being neglected? Being spoken to in a way that isn't appropriate for a child? Yelling? Now that I am a parent.. I am really watching myself and how I go about raising my children. But trauma can even be classified as a very scary or unforgettable experience. My children got chased by a dog, and now my 5 year old is terrified when he sees a dog-- the road that we walk on, we HAVE to cross to the other side otherwise he starts to flip out. Is this not trauma? It's really something that can't be avoided or it can but there are particular situations that are beyond our control? Again.. I am thinking out loud because I am still a parent who is...

I've come to the realisation that when our parents were raising us, they didn't really have the patience or the true understanding to be able to 'gentle parent' or to just genuinely speak to us. Because what I've come to also realise is that you can speak to a 1 year old or 2 year old and they completely understand what you are saying. You just have to take it out of your mind that 'They're only kids they don't know anything' They know a lot! Especially this generation of children! And these pandemic babies who virtually are walking out of the womb! Jokes aside... when you really observe your kids; you can come with a strategy to know how to deal with them not listening or lashing out or having a temper tantrum. Both of my boys hate it when  I yell. They will go "Mummy too loud!" At the weekend they both were fighting each other; like really slapping and kicking. And I yelled 'Stop! Stop hitting it's not nice!" Then they both l...