Dee: (The) Mama Blog

Please tell me I'm not the only mama out here that gets crippling anxiety about their kids... Please... I'm not alone right? I can distinctly remember when Jeremiah was a baby.. I could not sleep.. and all I was doing was checking if he was still breathing. Then when it could come time to go outside.. I would get so worried about putting him in the buggy.. to getting on the bus with the buggy... getting off the bus.. whew chile, I was just a wreck-- but mind you I was a brand new mother with a newborn.. so is that the excuse I can use? lol Now... both children are older.. the anxiety is still there but for brand new reasons.. When they go to school I always fear of getting a call that they've badly hurt themselves.. I don't know why.. I'm already a serial overthinker so this is a big contributing factor.. Sometimes when we're getting off the bus I fear that the driver will close the bus too early leaving one of my kids on the bus and driving off.. It's actua...

I had an emotional outburst.. and yelled at my boys. I know my boys don't like it when I yell... The boys were jumping and crashing into the chairs like wrestlers.. and I could foresee one of them hurting themselves.. and that is exactly what happened. I had said "stop" about 5 times... and boom Matthew bumps his head for the third time in the space of 3 days. I got angry and started to yell at them.. saying they don't listen and why is it that you always jump in the chairs when I say you don't do that.. Yeah. I blew. But what I noticed is that Jeremiah's reaction was different.. normally he would cry and say 'No mummy!"... but this time he just went 'Ok!" and made a face and went silent. I don't want to be the cause to why my kids suppress their emotions. I want them to always express themselves. It's healthy and it's the right thing to do.. I suppressed and I do not want that cycle to continue.

There have been numerous occasions where I reflect on when I had my boys.. and then I think about people who try and try to have kids.. or who literally plan when they're gonna have kids... ..and then there's me.. where kids were not on my radar.. it wasn't a primary focus of mine and boom I get 2 kids pretty much back to back! Not complaining.. and forever grateful; but wow kids really do change your lives forever. Now I have people calling me mum and mama.. I never would of imagined. I still have these moments with my kids being 5 and 3.. but I personally don't think I'd get over this! It's just crazy that you grow a whole person and then you have to be their guardian for the rest of their lives. What a blessing.

Now that Jeremiah is in mainstream school... he's getting homework, and things to practice at home so I've taken it upon myself to get extra aids to support his learning. Slowly but surely with repetition and patience he is getting there and doing really well. I had a parents evening for both of the boys  couple of weeks back.. and both of their teachers do not have any concerns about them. Doing practices with Matthew (he's in nursery), there are certain areas that he is stronger in than others. Speaking to his teacher, they are currently working on mark making with numbers/number recognition.  H's taking a little bit of time to recognize numbers (or so I thought). Jeremiah caught onto numbers so quickly-- it took minimal effort on my part.. but with Matthew I found myself getting frustrated and angry at him because he needs to 'get it'. So much so I found myself comparing him to his brother... forgetting he is a completely different child.. and the way he take...

Do you ever get to a stage in your motherhood journey where you just feel like you're on autopilot? The routine is the same everyday... with barely any change.. so you find yourself doing everything as you normally do.. the same.. the same time... same things but only the days change... I feel like that at the moment. Before I entered the new week I just literally ran through the schedule line up for the week.. and it is the same.. cleaning.. laundry... organizing..  Not complaining, just expressing. Sometimes it can get repetitive as a parent because we're putting ourselves before our children; and that's ok! This is why it's even more important to take time out for ourselves. There are so many ups and downs when it comes to being a parent, but we have to keep going! Not only for us but for our kids!

Do you know anger is a good, healthy emotion? When I first had Jeremiah... his temper was through the roof.. once he reached an age where he could express it physically.. and man oh man was it interesting. He would throw things, bang his head, throw himself on the floor, break things.. scream, shout, spit, kick, bite... sometimes trash a whole room out of anger. But this was all due to the fact he wasn't talking-- and was not able to express himself verbally at all.  I didn't catch the connection between him trying to express himself and the behaviour that I thought was bad. I felt like the most crappiest mother of them all. How could I not even control my son's anger.. or even understand it? Once I caught the connection I started to deal with it slowly but surely. Then when his speech started to progress little by little.. I started noticing big changes in his behaviour and how he expressed himself when he would get frustrated or angry. There's still a way to go, but i...

I have been away from the blog a little bit.. I just needed time to.. reflect. After the boys being unwell.. I went really deep into my thoughts and just started to reflect on myself as a mother and all that has happened in the past couple of months. Am I doing right by my boys? Am I doing enough? Do they feel that I love them?  Do they feel safe? protected? Are they happy? Are they confident? Just so many questions were flying around my head... I always beat myself up and I am so hard on myself when I start to feel like I'm not enough or I'm not doing enough... I start asking myself questions and giving myself the run around. It's not healthy.. I know... I am working on it. But you know what the funniest thing of it all is when I get in this downward spiral? Both of my boys will do something so significant I know it's God reassuring me that I am on the right track. One of them will either just randomly come and hug me.. or one will come and just say out of the blue ...

So as I mentioned a couple of blogs back.. Matthew is due for a food challenge-- and this is basically where he has to go to the hospital and be monitored as he eats a food that he was previously allergic to, or based off of the results he has received from his skin prick/blood tests; the paediatrician feels that they can try a challenge. Step one: You have to provide the food/allergen that they will try. You would have thought that they would provide it at the hospital... they don't. lol. You have to bring it/purchase it for yourself. Step two: You must bring their inhalers/epi-pens, etc with you. So this is an important one.. because you don't know how they're going to respond, it's best you bring all of their medications with you so if it does happen that they do react quite badly, you have it at the ready.. and of course you're at the hospital, if the medication doesn't ease off the reaction, they can seen to quite quickly. Step three: Be calm and no big exp...

"You're not a bad mom, you're tired. Everything is harder when you haven't slept" I cannot resonate with this statement enough. I have experienced this so many times... when I've decided to take my 'mommy time' too far.. and forcing myself to sleep at 3am.. knowing good and well I need to wake up for 6am.. I'm really just doing myself aren't I? But what I realize is that.. I'm quicker to react to things.. negatively-- I'd either shout or yell, my tolerance level and my patience are short.. and I'm just generally irritable... leading to my own adult tantrums and I'm not even able to process if my child has one. Compared to when I do get a decent night's sleep; I'm patient.. I'm calm.. if my children lash out at me or have tantrums or meltdowns I can handle it, and my mind doesn't seem so groggy or clouded.  Personally I'm the mom that doesn't drink coffee.. or tea.. I don't even indulge in energy drink...

I've cultivated a strategy for resilience and not to give up so easy.  Both of my boys when they try something once... they get so frustrated and go 'Mummy I can't do it!" Whether this is letter/number formations, drawing, playing a game.. their first attempt if they don't do it right.. they give up. So this is what I tell them: "Let's try again" 3 simple words... and now when they are doing something they go "Ok, try again!" and they keep going and going and going until they do it... then they run to me and go 'Mummy I did it!" Parenting isn't as hard as I thought... lol (On this occasion)

So.. with Matthew having eczema as a baby... his paediatrician immediately told me that he would be prone to Asthma.. but would most probably 'grow out of it'. He's not been diagnosed with Asthma... but he has had breathing episodes when he gets ill where he finds it so hard to breathe.  But other than that... his breathing is absolutely fine. Strange, right? Well... he's been unwell for most of this week but his breathing has been ok.. I've been prescribed an inhaler because of his previous history. He does get wheezy.. but once I use the inhaler, he's absolutely fine. I do hope he does grow out of this phase.. I get so anxious when he gets a cold because of his history of breathing difficulty... otherwise he has no problems at all.

It's so vital and so important when speaking to your child.. acknowledging HOW you are speaking to them. My strategy has changed when I speak to the boys.. especially when they have had done something that wasn't really good. I have to calm myself down first.. but once I do that I sit them down and speak to them. And they listen. When you're not calm and you say things out of anger.. those things will stick in the mind of the child.. and that's what I consciously prevent doing.. because words have power. I've also learned that why my parents slapped/smacked/spanked me was due to impulse-- or just a reaction and not knowing what to actually do. But like what I was saying a couple of blogs back that the generation of children coming now are built different and we really need to learn what we have to do, and unlearn what we have been exposed to from our own childhoods. Motherhood keeps on changing and advancing and I'm so here for it.

I saw something on Instagram that really pricked something in me: "Long for your children to have right hearts. not just correct behaviour" It just made me go whew! I hope I'm doing that! This week Jeremiah's behaviour has been quite challenging and I really have no idea why. Any time I'm forming a boundary or withholding a rule.. he will completely flip out and say 'No'.. scream.. and cry and shout. Then when he sees I'm not changing what I'm saying... he will sit down.. sigh and go 'Alright mum' and proceed to doing what I have asked. In all of this I remained calm.. and monotonous. (So hard.) One of the days this week, we woke up and went to go brush our teeth. I brushed Jeremiah's first, and when I went to go and brush Matthew's teeth, Jeremiah started to shout 'Come here mum!" "No, no brush Matthew's teeth!" He wanted to go downstairs-- but he wanted me to come with him. Normally.. he will go downstairs o...

If you have one or two allergies... it can be managed and avoided pretty well.. but when you have 6.. 7.. 8.. allergies and all of them are quite major allergens it can be so difficult. Throughout Matthew's journey.. I have felt like it's such a burden to go out and eat for dinner.. or to go to someone's house and he can't eat their food because even the alternatives he can't eat. So a lot of the time I have to pack him everything.. or we have to go to the same restaurants where I know he won't encounter many allergens.  I don't have mum friends who's child have allergies like Matthew so there's no one to even speak to about it.. so I'm sort of doing it alone. This is not a post to complain, but just to create more awareness.. because I don't see children with allergies spoken about too much or experiences being shared.  I can't just walk into a chicken shop or a fast food place and just order food.. I have to ask a couple of questions be...

I've really been thinking about trauma... we experience it in our adult lives.. but what about what we may not have realized we experienced as children? As I've been stumbling on so many tik toks, youtube videos, and even Instagram reels on 'Childhood trauma' I really do wonder... what is classified as trauma? Being beaten? Being neglected? Being spoken to in a way that isn't appropriate for a child? Yelling? Now that I am a parent.. I am really watching myself and how I go about raising my children. But trauma can even be classified as a very scary or unforgettable experience. My children got chased by a dog, and now my 5 year old is terrified when he sees a dog-- the road that we walk on, we HAVE to cross to the other side otherwise he starts to flip out. Is this not trauma? It's really something that can't be avoided or it can but there are particular situations that are beyond our control? Again.. I am thinking out loud because I am still a parent who is...

I've come to the realisation that when our parents were raising us, they didn't really have the patience or the true understanding to be able to 'gentle parent' or to just genuinely speak to us. Because what I've come to also realise is that you can speak to a 1 year old or 2 year old and they completely understand what you are saying. You just have to take it out of your mind that 'They're only kids they don't know anything' They know a lot! Especially this generation of children! And these pandemic babies who virtually are walking out of the womb! Jokes aside... when you really observe your kids; you can come with a strategy to know how to deal with them not listening or lashing out or having a temper tantrum. Both of my boys hate it when  I yell. They will go "Mummy too loud!" At the weekend they both were fighting each other; like really slapping and kicking. And I yelled 'Stop! Stop hitting it's not nice!" Then they both l...

Seeing as Matthew's allergies are pretty severe... he was prescribed an epi-pen and an inhaler, because apparently if your child has food allergies, they are prone to eczema, (which he did have when he was a baby) and asthma. I'm familiar with Epi-pen's already.. I worked in a school where there were a lot of children with severe peanut allergies, so I had to be trained to use one. They have epi-pen's for children, "Junior" epi-pen's and epi-pen's for adults. An Epi-pen is an Epinephrine pen-- it's in a shape of a pen that you inject into your thigh to give you a dose of Adrenaline in case you have gone into anaphylactic shock; and this is when you have ingested something that you are allergic to.. and you have responded quite badly, either your airways have closed or your tongue has swollen up so much where you can't breathe.. so that shot of Epinephrine or adrenaline will be enough to get you to a hospital to be treated-- it is not a cure, it...

If you see a child throw something out of anger... what comes into your mind? When you see a child screaming bloody murder when seeing an ice cream truck and they were told no.. what do you think? When you pass a child shouting no at their parents with an unhappy first..what are your thoughts? My now 5 year old would kick, spit, bite, hit... amongst others.  When he was younger, he wasn't talking. He didn't start saying audible words until he was nearly 3 and a half. So because of his inability to communicate verbally.. he would express physically. But I can only wonder what people were internally labelling my child... and I know I shouldn't care but you can't help but run it by your mind sometimes. As time went by.. his speech began to improve.. and he started to be able to say how he feels slowly but surely.. so the physical aspect of expressing also went down. So instead of kicking and spitting, he will shout 'No, no like it!' or 'No, Don't want it!...

I've learned a lot about autism since Jeremiah started exhibiting characteristics of it since he was 2. The first with having a speech delay. He's currently on the waiting list to be assessed. So much so.. I booked a GP session to discuss it with one of the doctors. When the doctor encountered Jeremiah... they said he's not autistic.. he's giving me eye contact and he's smiling at me. But upon deeper research, a child can have autism and make eye contact and smile. Autism doesn't only have one way, and even it can be hidden, you wouldn't see it the way you think. But what is funny is that no educational professionals have actually taken me to the side and asked me 'Have you checked for autism? or 'Do you think your child is autistic' My fear is though... I don't want to overlook anything, so what was even suggested by Jeremiah's speech and language therapist at the time was to just 'go through the process' get everything checked.....

So following on from last week.... Now discovering that my son has this bucket list of food allergies: Milk, egg, coconut, soya, oat, legumes... (more recently salmon, cod, and sesame) what in the world will my son eat? Well. I figured it out. lol. It's a very limited menu.. and I do have to cook a lot-- but literally.. pasta/spaghetti/noodles (rice noodles) rice with different sorts of stews and soups with vegetables and different meats and then find small snacks to top it off. Chips.. (sweet potato chips.. he doesn't like them though lol) Because of his limited diet, he's also had to go on supplements.. so he's on a calcium supplement seeing as he does not get any calcium (due to the milk allergy) and an iron supplement (Where he would get iron from... he can get it from the meat, but just so he meets his daily intake) Surprisingly enough he hasn't gotten bored with the same foods... or it's because he knows that's all he can eat for now. I do tell him tha...